Joan Columbia
by Creature Of The Nite
Summary: This is my take on Columbia's origins. Joan Columbia, a college student, is desperate to find the cure for the disease killing her sister. But will she risk venturing to the castle of a rumored mad scientist to get it? Read to find out...


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Joan Columbia sat in her car, driving down the muddy road. It had been a long drive from the campus of Denton State College, but she was desperate. In the passenger's seat was a backpack full of money, her entire trust fund. Her sister was very sick, on death's door. Doctors had said there was no hope for her, but Joan had heard of a scientist living out in these parts, rumored to be able to cure any known disease. It was a longshot, but Joan was desperate. Carefully, she leaned over, and checked the map. The scientist's castle was just up ahead. The sign on the door read 'Enter At Your Own Risk!'. Reluctantly, Joan got out of her car, and began walking down the pathway. She was cold, wet, and just plane scared. But ahead in the castle, there were lights on. Even though it looked like a filming location from a Frankenstein movie, it gave her hope. The sheer fact that there was a light over at the 'Frankenstein' place made Joan smile.

/

Joan walked to the front door, and knocked on it. To her surprise, an Igor-esque butler answered it.

"Yes?" he asked, with a slight glare

"Um, hello," Joan said, nervously, "I'm...I heard there was a doctor...well, I guess a scientist here, I heard he could cure diseases...because my sister is very sick, she has...she has this disease that can't, well doctors say they can't cure it, but I thought the scientist here could do something about it."

Joan awaited the butler's response.

"You want to see the master?" he simplified

"Yes!" Joan breathed a sigh of relief, "Sorry, it's just that I talk a lot when I get nervous...not that I'm nervous, I mean, you don't intimidate me, it's me, not you..."

"Please come in," the butler interrupted

/

The butler led Joan inside; the place looked like Morticia Addams was their interior decorator. Eventually, she arrived in a room that looked like a dance hall; waiters were running around, preparing the evening's event. On an elevated platform was a golden throne, sitting on it was a pale man in a black cloak.

"Master, a woman here to see you," the butler said

The man got up; his cloak glided with his movements.

"Dr. Frank N. Furter," he grinned, extending his hand

Joan shook it nervously.

"Um, Joan Columbia," she said

"Enchante."

Joan giggled nervously.

"So, Joan Columbia, what can I do for you?"

"Well..."

And Joan's story about her sister came out, about her disease, about emptying her trust fund...

"I see," Frank N. Furter nodded, "I think I can help you. You said it was Morbius's Syndrome, right?"

A gloved hand reached out of his cloak, holding a glass vial.

"This will remove the disease from her system," Frank explained, "And repair any genetic defects that may cause the disease to relapse."

"Oh, thank you!" Joan said, "So...here's my money, it amounts to roughly fifty..."

"I'm not interested in money," Frank interrupted, "I want you."

"Excuse me?"

"The deal is, I give your sister the cure. In exchange, I get you as a concubine for three years."

"Um..."

"Non-physical. You'll live here, you'll attend parties, but you won't be allowed to leave. And you'll also have to do everything I say. Dress how I say."

Joan mulled the situation. Three years was a long time; she was only nine months away from getting her diploma. But she did love her sister, and the doctors said that there wasn't much time.

"Okay," Joan agreed, "But first you give her the cure."

"Wonderful."

/

One week later...

/

Joan was driving back to Dr. Frank N. Furter's place; he wasn't a con-artist, her sister was better than ever. Joan got out of the car, and walked to the door. A lady in a French maid outfit answered.

"You must be Joan," she said

"Yes."

"I'm Magenta. The master asked me to prep you."

"Prep me?"

"You'll see."

/

Moments later...

/

Joan looked at herself in the mirror; Magenta had cut her once waist-length hair very short, and had it dyed flame-red. Her glasses, jeans, and sweater had been replaced by short-shorts, a rhinestone tube-top, heavy eyeshadow, and a black choker.

"You look magnificent," Magenta grinned

"But I feel kind of...cheap," Joan admitted

"Nonsense, dear," Magenta threw her arm over Joan's shoulder, "Compared to the last girl, you look amazing."

"What happened to the last girl?" Joan asked, nervously

"She died."

A look of fear appeared on Joan's face.

"Oh, no, dear," Magenta laughed, "Frank did not kill her, she fell into a tub of radioactive water."

Joan was...slightly relieved.

"Now, let me do your make-up..."

/

Later...

/

Dr. Frank N. Furter was having one of his famous parties; the guests (a strange lot, wearing tuxedos and talking in high-pitched voices) were all dancing around to something called the 'Time Warp'. Joan, however, was sitting in the corner, nervously drinking ginger ale.

"Having fun?" Riff-Raff asked

"Um, I guess," Joan said, "Parties aren't really my scene."

"You'll learn to enjoy them."

Suddenly, Magenta ran into the room.

"Riff-Raff! Eddie has arrived!" she exclaimed

"Who's Eddie?" Joan asked

Suddenly, a man on a motorcycle burst through the delivery entrance, and hopped off. His bike halted just as he did. The music cut out, and the guests stared at him.

"Wow..." Joan breathed

Joan took one look at the guy; he was large, wearing a leather jacket, jeans, and a Kaiser-helmet. He threw it off, revealing his shaggy hair. Joan was enthralled by his wildness.

"Woo!" he exclaimed

The man spun round, high-fiving Dr. Frank-N-Furter.

Then, to Joan's surprise, the man produced a saxophone from behind his back, and began playing an upbeat tune.

"_What do I do on my Saturday Ni-ight?_

_I dress up sharp and I feel alright!_

_Partying hard till mornin' light!_

_Get to work in Ti-ime!_

_I'm looking to goof around with a chick who'll go,_

_And listen to the music on the radio!_

_My saxophone blowin' out a rock 'n roll show!_"

_She'll climb in the backseat, really have a good ti-ime!_

He continued, but Joan wasn't listening to the words anymore. She was enthralled by the man, the rebel, the Adonis...

/

Two hours later...

/

Joan lay in her bed, looking up at the ceiling. Eddie (the Adonis) was smoking a joint.

"Oh my god, I can't believe I did that!" Joan grinned, "I've never just hopped into bed with a guy before, it's so...wow!"

"What's up with your voice?" Eddie asked

Joan realized that she was speaking in a more high-pitched tone.

"Well...this is how I really sound," she admitted, "I...I try not to use it, so people will take me seriously."

"You shouldn't change just because some jerks tell you to," Eddie said, "Don't be a tool."

"I guess," Joan shrugged

"By the way, what was your name?"

"J..."

Joan stopped mid-sentence. What kind of name was Joan? She wanted Eddie to think she was cool.

"Columbia," she said, this time purposely using her natural voice

"Cool," Eddie threw on his jeans, "Listen, Columbia, I gotta couple of out-of-town deliveries to make, but next time I'm round here, I'd sure like to see you again."

"I'll be here!" Joan said, enthusiastically, "I mean, Dr. Frank-N-Furter won't let me leave, so any time you want to drop by..."

"Sounds good," Eddie zipped up his jacket, " 'Till next time, Columbia."

/

Joan put her clothes back on, and walked back downstairs. Magenta gave her a dirty grin.

"What?" Joan asked

"You had sex," Magenta commented

"How can you tell?" Joan grinned

"Transylvanians have a sense for it," Magenta explained

"Cool."

"What's with the voice?"

"This is my normal voice."

"Fantastic..."

Dr. Frank-N-Furter swooped between the two girls.

"Come on, you two, get on the dance floor!" he grinned

Reluctantly, the two girls did. A live band was playing; they fitted in with the Transylvanian crowd.

"So, how do you like it here?" Frank asked

"It's okay!"

Joan didn't say that. Columbia did.


End file.
